Happy Easter: WTF Edition

wtfbunny_10When it comes to holidays, I can be subversive; remember my recent Valentine’s Day essay/rant? Well, I’m the same way with Easter. Despite being raised in a Catholic household, it’s a holiday that I’ve never really embraced or celebrated. In fact, what with its constant annual shifting of dates, the day could come right up and I wouldn’t even know it … like this year.

Growing up, I always thought Easter was something of a gyp, even though in the Catholic calendar it was considered THE holiest of holy holidays, you know, what with Jesus rising from the dead and all. In fact, it was considered to be even more important than Christmas, if that’s even possible! But instead of gifts and toys, on Easter Day all you woke up to was a basketful of chocolate rabbits, gummy bears, little Hershey kisses and Easter eggs, which were the greatest scam of all, because no matter how gala you color the outer shell, what lies underneath is still a hard-boiled egg, and there isn’t a kid on earth that likes hard-boiled eggs. Let’s not even get into the impact that much candy has on the world’s rampant childhood obesity problem.

bunny2And the Easter Bunny … wassup with that? Another scam! The thought of a single rabbit hopping around the world distributing candy to the world’s kids always seemed illogical to me, even more than a fat guy who basically breaks into your house by sliding down the chimney. Speaking of getting in, I’ve always been unclear on the Easter Bunny’s mode of entry … how does he even get in the house? Does he hop around jimmying windows open with a crowbar, because that sounds like breaking and entering to me. In any event, I don’t know about you, but unless it’s Bugs, Roger or Jessica (or, to a lesser degree, Brer, or that peevish rabbit from the Winnie The Pooh stories … another example of animals behaving illogically), I don’t want rabbits hopping around my house, mainly because they’re always leaving little bunnies and/or tiny poop balls in their wake.

Thank God my parents never subjected me to an actual visit with a department store Easter Bunny, because I would probably would have projected some of the same unfortunate looks as the poor kids depicted in this disturbing gallery (check it out after the jump). Even at this early juncture, you can tell some of these kids are in for years of adult therapy in an attempt to permanently eradicate the thoughts of that fateful Easter Sunday when their little psyches were scarred forever.

But hey, if you’re into it, don’t let my grumpiness rain on your (Easter) parade. Hope it is/was a fun, happy day devoid of freakish rabbits and bizarre bunnies!

 

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About Stephen Kelly

Hi, I'm Stephen Kelly, a writer, editor, photographer and graphic designer living in beautiful San Francisco, CA, USA. Amongst the things I love are writing, photography, movies, music, fitness, travel, Batman, all things Australian, food and fun, all of which I hope to reflect in this here blog. Welcome aboard ... now let's get busy!
This entry was posted in Humor, Holidaze, Strange But True and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Happy Easter: WTF Edition

  1. Angeline M says:

    My husband were just sitting here talking about this Easter thing. We are both victims of Catholic school upbringing, and now have a few questions about it all. But I digress, I love all of these photos and saw just such a scene the other day as I strolled through a mall. Have a fun Sunday :)

  2. Impybat says:

    Happy Easter, Stephen! The scary bunny gallery is superbly freakish…all that’s missing is Frank the Bunny from Donnie Darko!

  3. angelinahue says:

    We were also talking about the significance of Easter (or the lack of it) earlier today while looking over at neighbours hunting eggs in the backyard gardens and others drinking champagne all afternoon.
    By the way, these are some creepy rabbits!

  4. Jo Bryant says:

    As an athiest the whole Easter thing is not my thing. But I don’t mind the Bunny…especially love the photo of George Reeves with him. I loved that show growing up.

  5. kayrpea61 says:

    We’re trying to replace the Easter Bunny with the Easter Bilby – an endangered native species here. http://www.environment.gov.au/resource/bilby-macrotis-lagotis

    • Interesting! Well, they are rather rabbit-esque. Getting attached as the new official mascot of Easter could help with the whole endangerment thing. It’s cool that Australia is taking measures to ensure that they don’t disappear forever. Thanks for clueing me into this story.

  6. Kongo says:

    Love your take on Easter bunnies and those horrible (for children) photo shoots with monster looking rabbits. I was once persuaded to don such a costume and show up with big bags of candy purchased at Wall-Mart and lead the Easter egg hunt. Kids scattered and cried without end until I left. Hard to blame them.

  7. Pat says:

    Some of these bunnies look deranged and perverted – and the one in the red long underwear is somewhat obscene. I will add you to my looooong list of friends who are recovering Catholics. Although I was baptized Catholic, I was raised a mixture of other faiths. Probably I should join this list, if you would have me, because I believe I have been living in sin for the past 70 years, not being true to my baptism. Maybe that make me a second cousin to the Easter bunny?

  8. Thanks for the laugh out loud moments!! I needed that. My son just met “the Easter bunny” this year (he’s 2 1/2) and he stared quite a bit before being ok with giving a high five. But I thought he was a super skinny creepy looking creature – maybe he was the hipster version since I live in Brooklyn… I never understood this aspect of Easter until someone told me about the Catholic appropriation of the celebration of the goddess of fertility (hence eggs and bunnies).

  9. viveka says:

    Lovely post, but if I was a child I would be scared to death by those bunnies … we don’t have Easter bunnies in Scandinavia, bad enough with Father Christmas that comes and knows on the door on Christmas Eve .. and make 80% of all kids to cry, before he hands out the presents.
    Thanks for big smile! As you say .. the bizarre bunnies.

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